MAGNUM OPU

F The Polls!

Jesus Did Not Trust Public Opinion

Lyndon Johnson did the unpopular thing and brought us The Great Society, giving us medicare and civil rights.  Franklin Roosevelt gave us The New Deal and brought us social security.  Truman made the unpopular decision to fire MacArthur.  Lincoln fought for a United States of America.

Leaders lead.  It takes guts to be a leader.

For people who think this whole thing is political:  politics is local.  politics is personal.  We can’t leave any one behind.  That’s an AMERICAN value.
Finally, President Obama.  Thank you very much.

RYAN'S ROOTS TRACED TO TRANSYLVANIA

This will kill them

An unnamed source tells us that a future edition of Henry Louis Gates’ PBS program Who Are You? features republican radical Paul Ryan.  Ryan is alarmed to discover that his ancestry traces back to Dracula and the famous Bram Castle in Transylvania.

Professor Gates tries to calm Ryan by telling him that it couldn’t be worse than having your ancestry trace to another species, as is obvious in the countenance of Senate Minority Leader and human-turtle hybrid Mitch O’Connell. (as so aptly stated by Stephen Colbert).
After a break for a public service spot citing the American Red Cross’ urgent need for blood, Gates pointed out that Ryan’s unusually prominent widow’s peak is a “dead” give away to his Draculian ancestry.  At 42,
Ryan looks remarkably young, another indicator that he is among the undead, which may account for his ability to deliver bad news while smiling.

Upon reflection,  Ryan concedes that red and black are his favorite colors, his nails grow remarkably fast and his size is perfect for that hooded cape hanging in his closet all these years.

Alert to all possibilities, Gates speculates that over the centuries Ryan’s ancestors  may have adapted to change; asking pointedly if Ryan’s now famous budget is geared to suck the blood out of an entire nation?

NIKKI HAYLEY BITTER ABOUT THREAT OF AGING

"How Cute Am I?"

Although many of us were shocked when Nikki Haley announced that “women don’t care about contraception,” this intrepid reporter has discovered that her position is linked to her fear of aging.  “I am after all the youngest Governor in the country,” said Haley, “and I was President of my own company, Exotica International, whose theme is “Trust Exotica for timeless fashion.”

Haley has traded on her good looks to gain political prominence with the Tea Party and the likes of Sarah Palin, who is famous for declaring “you can see North Carolina from South Carolina.”

No liberal bastion, North Carolina is a paragon of the left compared to their clueless, toothless neighbors in South Carolina.  This is a State where people believed that their previous Governor had gone hiking in the Appalachians when he was in fact in a foreign land fooling around with a potential illegal immigrant.

Trying to avoid his mistakes, “Governor” Haley has taken a tough stand on illegal immigration.  She has also decided against using her given name, Nimrod, which is short for Nimrata.  Exactly how many South Carolinians know that she is of Indian (as in over there Indian) descent?

She is reputed to have had a number of affiairs (plausible denial).  She only has two children.  Are we to believe that she doesn’t care about contraception?

REINCE PREIBUS STARS IN KAFKA NOVEL

No war on caterpillars here

When the GOP announced that white white person Reince Priebus would be taking the place of white black person Michael Steele, we knew we had seen him somewhere before.

We were a bit thrown off by his name because it does not sound really white; rather it sounds like some kind of species, as in domain, kingdom, phylum, class, order, family, genus, SPECIES.  Basically the end of the line.  Any way you look at it, the name seems  altogether fake.

It turns out that Priebuses are nocturnal creatures, which accounts for why he is not as visible as Mr. Steele was (and still is).  This week he came out of the darkness to say, with a straight and uninteresting face, “If we talked about caterpillars, the Democrats would say we have a war on caterpillars.”

Why caterpillars?  Why not slugs?  What about termites?

The name Reince Priebus traces back to the beginning of time, when God made a last minute decision to create a species that could survive until the end of time.  He does not use his middle name, Reince the-alpha & omega Priebus, except on rare occasions.  Not surprising then, that Reince Priebus chose a caterpillar, a species that avoids  terminal ugliness by turning into a butterfly.  Jealousy, it seems, was his motivation.

Had it not been for Kafka’s friend Max Brod who saved Kafka’s writings from the trash heap, and changed a few words before publishing them, we would have read the first sentence about a salesman’s tribulations  in  The Metamorphosis as ” As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into a giant reince priebus.”

FAT BOY FUDGES FIGURES

Help Me Find My Neck!

Chris Christie’s “I am fatter than you are,” in-your-face attitude is catching up with him.
Turns out the mega-transportation project he canceled because of his “principles” had none of the problems he decried.  He over-estimated the project’s max cost by several billion dollars and lied about the percentage of the cost that his State would have to bear:  he said New Jersey would have to pay 70%.  In fact, it’s share would have been 14.4 percent.

New Jersey Senator Frank Lautenberg is making the left wing media rounds today letting the world know that Governor Fatty-Fatty-Two-By-Four, at a minimum, “misrepresented” the facts to his constituency.   He cost New Jersey a big opportunity  — maybe not as big as he is, but BIG.

This may top his radio show I-don’t-give-a-shit about New Jersey’s public schools comments…
He won’t get the VEEP spot.  Maybe he will leave his family for Ann Coulter.  Or some fudge.

THE SEASON OF THE WHITE WHITE MAN

Super Smirker

Time to stop listening to the political hoorah.    Republic Rag is over, and now Christie’s fellow fatso Karl Rove and the rest of their ilk will set about trying to destroy President Obama.
No point in listening because they are all professional liars and fact fiddlers and they will do anything to “defeat Obama.”  Romney’s little trick about the War on Women being about jobs is just his latest shape shift.

And now transvaginal ultrasound promoter and Vice Presidential hopeful, smarmy smiler Bob McDonnell  is back on the stump.

Tune out, I say, tune out.  We know  what Obama has done, and what they have failed to do.